why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
