You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
