I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
