Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
