this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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