ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
