and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
