Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Actions speak louder than pants.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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