Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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