I wish my penis had an off switch
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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