I cockslap morals
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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