Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
