New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
