you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
