Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
