I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
