And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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