ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
