Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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