Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
