What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
