His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm at about main and main street
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
