Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
