I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
