I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
