when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
