Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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