oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
