he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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