Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
