The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
