elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
