O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
