im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You smell like stripper and shame
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
