Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
