sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
