so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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