I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
