First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
