im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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