you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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