i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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