Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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