What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Even my vagina gasped.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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