Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Lo siento on account of my penis...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
