After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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