Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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