I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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