I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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