Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
