She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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