I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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