Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
